The Phantom Limbs: The Mothership

Welcome to the summer of hot hot heat, a horrible Baltimore baseball team and perpetual nutsack sweat. Quad all that up with mediocre television programming and you've got yourself the ingredients for a horrible summer.

 

Luckily, it's been a great summer for us. We've been playing a lot of fantastically sloppy shows at the beach that have been both well received and well attended. My friends, thanks for coming out to these things, drinking and fist pumping the air. Perhaps the most memorable moment thus far was Kasey and I serenading Tim Cyphers for his birthday in the 28th St. Pit and Pub's bathroom as Tim stood flacid in front of the urinal. My theory has been proven: cover artists have small dicks (just kidding Timbo, you're only slightly below average).

 

The surf has been surprisingly good, though remember friends, the best way to ensure shitty surf is to buy a wet suit and spend an afternoon sprucing up your board. I was finally able to get out and grab some waves a week later though.

 

Back to the band. If you haven't made it out to any shows, you can show your support by buying our EP, Episode 1: Night of the Living Surf. You can do so by going to the "Buy Our Stuff" section of this page and clicking your life away for just $5. We'll also be on iTunes next week, so if that's your sick fancy, then fuckin' a. Buying our shit helps us pay for the studio time we're starting to rack up recording the second E.P., entitled Episode 2: Aberzombie and Flesh. It's just $5 bucks, people and it really helps us out. You rule. Kinda. If you buy our shit and come to the shows you rule. If not, well, then go enjoy your So You Think You Can Dance bullshit.

 

Now, onto the motherfucking Baltimore fucking Orioles. I'm sick of hearing "rebuilding" and "the future" and "young arms." The future doesn't mean shit with your players of the present regressing, a turd tower that's rebuilt is still a turd tower, and the only thing our young arms are good for are jerking off. Oh yeah, and Adam Jones looks like Jamie Lee Fox as Shanaynay from In Living Color. Fuck you, Andy McPhail. If I see you on the streets, just keep walking, son.

 

I'm really starting to sour on True Blood, but it can be saved with more neck breaking sex.

 

Thanks for reading, fuck face - here's my best recipe for the summer: 

 

Steamed Clams with Chorizo and Corn in a White Wine broth

Ingredients -

50 count bag of little clams

2 ears of local sweet corn (don't fucking skimp on this, go to a produce stand and buy the right corn - the mahfuck' Silverqueen)

2 links of fresh chorizo (go to wholefoods, cheapskate)

4 shallots

1 garlic clove minced

1 serrano (leave dem seeds in, pussy)

fresh chopped parsley

$10 bottle of savigon blanc

salt and pepper

 

In a hot pan (i use cast iron because I have junk, you know what I'm saying?) brown your chorizo (that you've removed from the casing). With a wooden spoon dice up that chorizo until it looks like taco meat. Remove to a paper towel to drain the grease. 

In the fat rendered from the chorizo, add the shallots that you've washed and diced. Cook until fragrant and translucent, then add the chopped serano and minced garlic clove. Don't burn the garlic, idiot. Cook for about 45 seconds keeping a nose out for that garlic. 

Poor in your white wine, about a third of the bottle or at least enough to cover the pan's surface by a couple of inches. Add your clams that you've scrubbed (discard any clams that  have opened unless you want to hurl). Cover (you can do it uncovered, but make sure you add more wine in the previous step so it all doesn't cook off).

Cook the clams until they all open and are firming up. Discard any that don't open. As the clams are opening up, dd the corn that you've cut off the cob, put the chorizo back and sprinkle in some chopped parsley in and let those flavors melt together for about five minutes on a simmer.

Spoon the clams into a bowl and spoon the sauce on top to make a broth. Sprinkle a little more parsley on each bowl and serve with a crusty mini loaf of french bread.

That should get you laid. If it doesn't you have no game. 

 

See you next week at Trader Lees!

 

Ryan

The Phantom Limbs

Hi, Phans! I apologize for the time between updates, but we've been busting our asses playing and recording the new record. The first Episode is still for sale and will be up on iTunes soon...I promise.

A couple orders of business. Eastport A Rockin is coming up soon, June 26th to be exact, and since I live in the middle of it, I'm pushing these bastards hard to book us. But, alas, our name hasn't quite traveled the yuppy-lined streets of our state's capital enough to warrant attention when I demand it. But you, my friend can help - go to www.eastportarockin.com and click on the "who do you want to play" link. Put our name in the survey (unless you really want to see another band, but, sorry, bra - I don't think Beatles are available).

We also are rocking Peppers' Tavern this Saturday, the 13th.

Now, I'm off to cook dinner. I have some pork chops marinating in extra virgin olive oil, sherry wine vinegar, and fresh herbs from my garden. We also got some killer organic kale from a farm just outside of town.

And wine.

I love you - come to our shows, our houses, drink our booze and be our friend!

Peace, love and platapy,

Ryan
The Phantom Limbs

Hi friends! Thanks so much to all who came out to the CD Release. Thanks especially to Ozzy, LIndsay, Ric, Matt & Nicole, Flaherty, Shelby, Halena, Melissa (the superest merch girl in the world), Mark, Keith McGrath, Bryan & Sarah, Robbie & Mary, etc. These were our friends who came out, bought cds, shirts and more importantly fist pumped the air as we melted faces.

I know that our time slot wasn't ideal, but fuck it, we were more stoked to sell the record and hang with our friends. We really appreciate those who stuck around to hear the tunes.

Also thanks to Matt Davis and 98 rock for promoting the event so well.

April is a busy month for us. We're playing the 420 festival at the Whiskey in Annapolis on the 17th. We play downstairs (sigh) at 8:30. I'm also going to be moving that day so by then I will be super ready to drink my face off and burn shit. On a related note, if you feel like helping me move, let me know and you will have made a friend for life!

I also want to share with you my new recipe for chipotle rubbed salmon tacos. It follows below:

2 teaspoons chipotle powder
2 teaspoons orange zest
2 teaspoons of sugar
extra virgin olive oil
1 pound wild salmon filet
8 wheat tortillas

combine the chipotle, zest and sugar in a bowl. rub the salmon with oil and spice mixture and let stand for 20 minutes. Throw that motherfucker on a hot as shit grill, start with the skin side down, and cook for about 4 or 5 minutes or until the skin underneath turns black and crusty as fuck. Flip her over and cook until she's done. Flake the salmon off with a fork and place into a tortilla that you've placed on the grill for about 40 seconds or so. Top with cucumber apple salsa (recipe below)

1 granny smith apple, cored and diced
1/2 cucumber, seeded diced
1/2 medium red bell pepper diced
1 serrano chili chopped (leave the seeds in you pussy)
2 tablespoons of rice wine vinegar
1 tablespoon of sherry wine vinegar (or just red wine or balsamic vinegar is you're a cheap bastard)
Juice of one lime
1/2 cup chopped cilantro leaves
2 teaspoons of honey
salt and pepper to taste.

Combine all that shit in a bowl and let it sit while the ingredients meet each other for about 20 minutes.

This dish goes well with a nice crisp white wine or a 40 oz of PBR.

Go fuck yourself.

Ryan
The Phantom Limbs